one. more. week.

i am homesick.

but at the same time, i don't want to go home because i know that things have changed.

i am terribly afraid to face that fact.

so i sit here and watch old videos of my best friends.

i know i only have one more week left, but i feel as though i am totally going to lose it.

i feel like i already have.

i don't know what i am doing with my life.

i can't picture myself next semester. anywhere.

i do not know where my life is going.

maybe if i just talked to God about it a little bit more..

you know, sometimes talking to God doesn't solve a thing.

cuz sometimes when you're talking to God,

all you're doing is talking.

there's a difference between talking

and talking and listening.

it's easy to pretend that you've got it all together.

it's easy enough to "talk" to God.

it's the listening that really takes time.

and sometimes, you can listen in a lot of different ways about a lot of different things.

why is it so difficult to listen to the advice that you ask God for sometimes?

sometimes i show up at His feet, and i ask for help.. i ask for advice..

but really, i'm not listening.

i feel like i have more thoughts that are mulling around in my head.

but i am just too exhausted to try and process them right now and make them make any sort of sense. so what's up next.. might be slightly confusing.

- what i originally had in this space = evil.

- me = covetous.

- tomorrow = freaking longest day of my LIFE.

- right now = my head is pounding.

- i want to talk this out more than ANYTHING, but thinking about actually doing that makes me want to puke.

- i HATE writing blogs that aren't upbeat and cheerful, or deep and meaningful.. but at the expense of sounding like an immature teen girl, this is what's real right now. this is what i feel. and if i don't get it out of me, i am going to explode! so.. i'm going to write what i want to write. end of story.

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