things i've really been liking lately..*

1. JayZ - "only rapper to rewrite history without a pen"!
2. the color baby pink - i've gotten 2 t shirts that color recently.. and i wear them all the time!
3. homemade pumpkin roll and fudge - Mum's home cooking.. good stuff!
4. pirouettes and fouettes - dance dance dance!
5. the idea of taking Penn State summer classes - i bleed blue & white. (and red.. [for Liberty] haha)
6. the idea of getting my own apartment - hopefully in State College. - 3 classes of French, baby! 12 credits outta the way, yo!
7. the fact that i HAVE NOT gained the dreaded "Freshman Fifteen" :) - it's amazing what walking all over the place can do for ya! maybe i shouldn't ever take a car to school..
8. Christmas parties - SRBC camp Christmas party last night. next tuesday is Jonathan's. my favorite people everrrr :)
9. my home church - i am truly blessed to have such a great church family and so many opportunities to minister. i am constantly challenged to lead and to grow at my church, and i love it. God has truly blessed our church. and i am blessed to be a part of it.
10. possibility and opportunity - my horizons sure have been expanding lately. so often, i limit God in my head, thinking that there are so many things i could never do.. well.. i think He has bigger and better plans than i've ever had for myself. so i'm gonna let Him write my story for me. He can be the author of my dreams :)
11. camp friends - the best everr. we really are a family.
12. Liberty friends - pretty awesome kids :)
13. my Grandma :) - i got to help her decorate her Christmas tree the other day. and we're baking cookies later this week. :)
14. the book of Jude - very well written. why don't we read it more often?
15. also I & II Peter and I II & III John - also great books that tend to stay under the radar
16. SNL - makes my life!!
17. Jimmy Fallon AND Craig Ferguson - i really can't pick a favorite..
18. *SNOW* - it's going to be a white Christmas!
19. Pennsylvania - oddly enough, i've come to miss Pennsylvania while being away at school. i NEVER ever thought that would happen. but now i could actually picture myself living here. it's a good place to be.
20. *starry nights* - the skies have been sooo clear lately. it's been beautiful! i think that looking at the stars is one of the places that i feel closest to God. it's beautiful :)
21. the cold - i usually hate the cold. but lately it's been.. magnificent. comforting. i can't explain it..
22. my laptop - it's so nice to be able to use a computer at home whenever i feel like it.. don't have to wait for other people to get off
23. solitaire - on the computer of course! the newest hobby i've taken up.. it's great for insomniacs!
24. the city! - i've always loved the city.. i wish i could get there more often.. Boston, DC, NYC, Baltimore, Seattle, Portland.. my favorites :)
"one hand in the air for the big city, streetlights, big dreams all looking pretty.. no place in the world that can compare*" (Alicia Keys/JayZ)
25. my little bros - they're growing up. they are two of my best friends. i couldn't have asked for cooler little brothers :)

verse of the day..

"And let the peace of God rule in our hearts; to which also you were called in one body and be thankful." Colossians 3:15

quote of the day..

"There are books so alive that you're always afraid that while you weren't reading, the book has gone and changed, has shifted like a river; while you went on living, it went on living too, and like a river moved on and moved away. No one has stepped twice into the same river. But did anyone ever step twice into the same book?"

--Marina Tsvetaeva

"life is one grand, sweet song.."

songs from my freshman year:

some of these are from friends. some of them have been played at every single football game that i have been to. others have just been extremely overplayed on the radio. some songs have been friends' ringtones. other have been from the past that have recently brought back into my life. some are brand new and unlike anything i would normally listen to. some have helped me make it through my first semester, away from everything i have never known, at college. these are some tight tunes. check em out.

Whatcha Say by Jason DeRulo

Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus

I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas

I Will Possess Your Heart by Death Cab for Cutie

Title and Registration by Death Cab for Cutie

Yellow by Coldplay

Green Eyes by Coldplay

Healer by Kari Jobe

Canons by Phil Wickham

Divine Romance by Phil Wickham

The Good Stuff by Brad Paisley

Lost by Coldplay and Jay Z

Chicago by Sufjan Stevens

i can do bad all by myself..

"everybody's spiritually weak. and everybody's frustrated sometimes with their own spirituality."

~ Dr. Fanning

my missions professor just said that.

makes me feel like i'm doing alright.

nobody ever learns a language in high school. ... and any numbskull can learn it. [you've got to be immersed in it] - Dr. Fanning

just catch a vision and go after a task until you finish the task. just be somebody that sees something that needs to be done and do something for the kingdom. -Dr. Fanning

evangelism - this is the heart of the missionary movement. you've got to learn how to evangelize. - Dr. Fanning

[when speaking of evangelizing] learn to overcome those inhibitions by just doing it. - Dr. Fanning

you get to spend a whole week with a bunch of unsaved kids. what could be better? - Dr. Fanning

about the above statement, i would just like to say.. BAM. to those of you who say that we can't "hang out" with unsaved people so that they don't influence us with their "sin" and whatnot, well, here ya go. Jesus hang out with prostitutes. He just didn't hang out with them while they were prostituting. My heavens, if we don't hang out with these people and show them the love of Christ, then who on earth is going to? as Christians (CHRIST FOLLOWERS), it is our JOB, our SOLE PURPOSE on this planet, to show Christ to others through our lives. believe it or not, it's not raising kids, it's not having fun, it's simply to be all "pious" and "holy". so much of the time when people shelter themselves and their families in order to be those things, they fail. miserably. separation does not = holiness. spending time with God and letting Him work through your life = holiness.

anddddd that's enough for now.

deuces.

one. more. week.

i am homesick.

but at the same time, i don't want to go home because i know that things have changed.

i am terribly afraid to face that fact.

so i sit here and watch old videos of my best friends.

i know i only have one more week left, but i feel as though i am totally going to lose it.

i feel like i already have.

i don't know what i am doing with my life.

i can't picture myself next semester. anywhere.

i do not know where my life is going.

maybe if i just talked to God about it a little bit more..

you know, sometimes talking to God doesn't solve a thing.

cuz sometimes when you're talking to God,

all you're doing is talking.

there's a difference between talking

and talking and listening.

it's easy to pretend that you've got it all together.

it's easy enough to "talk" to God.

it's the listening that really takes time.

and sometimes, you can listen in a lot of different ways about a lot of different things.

why is it so difficult to listen to the advice that you ask God for sometimes?

sometimes i show up at His feet, and i ask for help.. i ask for advice..

but really, i'm not listening.

i feel like i have more thoughts that are mulling around in my head.

but i am just too exhausted to try and process them right now and make them make any sort of sense. so what's up next.. might be slightly confusing.

- what i originally had in this space = evil.

- me = covetous.

- tomorrow = freaking longest day of my LIFE.

- right now = my head is pounding.

- i want to talk this out more than ANYTHING, but thinking about actually doing that makes me want to puke.

- i HATE writing blogs that aren't upbeat and cheerful, or deep and meaningful.. but at the expense of sounding like an immature teen girl, this is what's real right now. this is what i feel. and if i don't get it out of me, i am going to explode! so.. i'm going to write what i want to write. end of story.

-

hott mess..

so much of me thinks that if i hadn't fallen apart the other day, this wouldn't have happened.

so.. now i feel like i REALLY screwed up.

and i am a hott mess..