things i've really been liking lately..*

1. JayZ - "only rapper to rewrite history without a pen"!
2. the color baby pink - i've gotten 2 t shirts that color recently.. and i wear them all the time!
3. homemade pumpkin roll and fudge - Mum's home cooking.. good stuff!
4. pirouettes and fouettes - dance dance dance!
5. the idea of taking Penn State summer classes - i bleed blue & white. (and red.. [for Liberty] haha)
6. the idea of getting my own apartment - hopefully in State College. - 3 classes of French, baby! 12 credits outta the way, yo!
7. the fact that i HAVE NOT gained the dreaded "Freshman Fifteen" :) - it's amazing what walking all over the place can do for ya! maybe i shouldn't ever take a car to school..
8. Christmas parties - SRBC camp Christmas party last night. next tuesday is Jonathan's. my favorite people everrrr :)
9. my home church - i am truly blessed to have such a great church family and so many opportunities to minister. i am constantly challenged to lead and to grow at my church, and i love it. God has truly blessed our church. and i am blessed to be a part of it.
10. possibility and opportunity - my horizons sure have been expanding lately. so often, i limit God in my head, thinking that there are so many things i could never do.. well.. i think He has bigger and better plans than i've ever had for myself. so i'm gonna let Him write my story for me. He can be the author of my dreams :)
11. camp friends - the best everr. we really are a family.
12. Liberty friends - pretty awesome kids :)
13. my Grandma :) - i got to help her decorate her Christmas tree the other day. and we're baking cookies later this week. :)
14. the book of Jude - very well written. why don't we read it more often?
15. also I & II Peter and I II & III John - also great books that tend to stay under the radar
16. SNL - makes my life!!
17. Jimmy Fallon AND Craig Ferguson - i really can't pick a favorite..
18. *SNOW* - it's going to be a white Christmas!
19. Pennsylvania - oddly enough, i've come to miss Pennsylvania while being away at school. i NEVER ever thought that would happen. but now i could actually picture myself living here. it's a good place to be.
20. *starry nights* - the skies have been sooo clear lately. it's been beautiful! i think that looking at the stars is one of the places that i feel closest to God. it's beautiful :)
21. the cold - i usually hate the cold. but lately it's been.. magnificent. comforting. i can't explain it..
22. my laptop - it's so nice to be able to use a computer at home whenever i feel like it.. don't have to wait for other people to get off
23. solitaire - on the computer of course! the newest hobby i've taken up.. it's great for insomniacs!
24. the city! - i've always loved the city.. i wish i could get there more often.. Boston, DC, NYC, Baltimore, Seattle, Portland.. my favorites :)
"one hand in the air for the big city, streetlights, big dreams all looking pretty.. no place in the world that can compare*" (Alicia Keys/JayZ)
25. my little bros - they're growing up. they are two of my best friends. i couldn't have asked for cooler little brothers :)

verse of the day..

"And let the peace of God rule in our hearts; to which also you were called in one body and be thankful." Colossians 3:15

quote of the day..

"There are books so alive that you're always afraid that while you weren't reading, the book has gone and changed, has shifted like a river; while you went on living, it went on living too, and like a river moved on and moved away. No one has stepped twice into the same river. But did anyone ever step twice into the same book?"

--Marina Tsvetaeva

"life is one grand, sweet song.."

songs from my freshman year:

some of these are from friends. some of them have been played at every single football game that i have been to. others have just been extremely overplayed on the radio. some songs have been friends' ringtones. other have been from the past that have recently brought back into my life. some are brand new and unlike anything i would normally listen to. some have helped me make it through my first semester, away from everything i have never known, at college. these are some tight tunes. check em out.

Whatcha Say by Jason DeRulo

Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus

I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas

I Will Possess Your Heart by Death Cab for Cutie

Title and Registration by Death Cab for Cutie

Yellow by Coldplay

Green Eyes by Coldplay

Healer by Kari Jobe

Canons by Phil Wickham

Divine Romance by Phil Wickham

The Good Stuff by Brad Paisley

Lost by Coldplay and Jay Z

Chicago by Sufjan Stevens

i can do bad all by myself..

"everybody's spiritually weak. and everybody's frustrated sometimes with their own spirituality."

~ Dr. Fanning

my missions professor just said that.

makes me feel like i'm doing alright.

nobody ever learns a language in high school. ... and any numbskull can learn it. [you've got to be immersed in it] - Dr. Fanning

just catch a vision and go after a task until you finish the task. just be somebody that sees something that needs to be done and do something for the kingdom. -Dr. Fanning

evangelism - this is the heart of the missionary movement. you've got to learn how to evangelize. - Dr. Fanning

[when speaking of evangelizing] learn to overcome those inhibitions by just doing it. - Dr. Fanning

you get to spend a whole week with a bunch of unsaved kids. what could be better? - Dr. Fanning

about the above statement, i would just like to say.. BAM. to those of you who say that we can't "hang out" with unsaved people so that they don't influence us with their "sin" and whatnot, well, here ya go. Jesus hang out with prostitutes. He just didn't hang out with them while they were prostituting. My heavens, if we don't hang out with these people and show them the love of Christ, then who on earth is going to? as Christians (CHRIST FOLLOWERS), it is our JOB, our SOLE PURPOSE on this planet, to show Christ to others through our lives. believe it or not, it's not raising kids, it's not having fun, it's simply to be all "pious" and "holy". so much of the time when people shelter themselves and their families in order to be those things, they fail. miserably. separation does not = holiness. spending time with God and letting Him work through your life = holiness.

anddddd that's enough for now.

deuces.

one. more. week.

i am homesick.

but at the same time, i don't want to go home because i know that things have changed.

i am terribly afraid to face that fact.

so i sit here and watch old videos of my best friends.

i know i only have one more week left, but i feel as though i am totally going to lose it.

i feel like i already have.

i don't know what i am doing with my life.

i can't picture myself next semester. anywhere.

i do not know where my life is going.

maybe if i just talked to God about it a little bit more..

you know, sometimes talking to God doesn't solve a thing.

cuz sometimes when you're talking to God,

all you're doing is talking.

there's a difference between talking

and talking and listening.

it's easy to pretend that you've got it all together.

it's easy enough to "talk" to God.

it's the listening that really takes time.

and sometimes, you can listen in a lot of different ways about a lot of different things.

why is it so difficult to listen to the advice that you ask God for sometimes?

sometimes i show up at His feet, and i ask for help.. i ask for advice..

but really, i'm not listening.

i feel like i have more thoughts that are mulling around in my head.

but i am just too exhausted to try and process them right now and make them make any sort of sense. so what's up next.. might be slightly confusing.

- what i originally had in this space = evil.

- me = covetous.

- tomorrow = freaking longest day of my LIFE.

- right now = my head is pounding.

- i want to talk this out more than ANYTHING, but thinking about actually doing that makes me want to puke.

- i HATE writing blogs that aren't upbeat and cheerful, or deep and meaningful.. but at the expense of sounding like an immature teen girl, this is what's real right now. this is what i feel. and if i don't get it out of me, i am going to explode! so.. i'm going to write what i want to write. end of story.

-

hott mess..

so much of me thinks that if i hadn't fallen apart the other day, this wouldn't have happened.

so.. now i feel like i REALLY screwed up.

and i am a hott mess..

Putting My Fears Aside..

i'm putting my fears aside. i'm leaving my doubts behind. i'm giving my hopes and dreams to You, Jesus. i'm reaching my hands to Yours, believing there's so much more.. knowing that all You have in store for me is good.

♥ i am resting in Your promises this week, Lord.

a light for the nations..

Thus says God, the Lord, who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread out the earth and what comes from it, who gives breath to the people on it and spirit to those who walk in it: "I am the Lord, I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you; I will give you as a covenant for the people, a light for the nations, to open the eyes that are blind, to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, from the prison those who sit in darkness."

~Isaiah 41:5-7

Lord, this is what I want to do with my life. I want to do Your will. I know I will not be satisfied unless I give my life totally for this. So please take it, Lord. Take it, and do with it whatever You wish.

Amen.

he doesn't look a thing like Jesus..

you sit there in your heartache

waiting on some beautiful boy to

to save you from your old ways

you play forgiveness

watch him now, here he comes..

he doesn't look a thing like Jesus

but he talks a gentleman

like you imagined when you were young.

point: protect your heart. give it to Jesus.

He's the only one that can fix your problems.

He's the only one that could ever make you feel loved.

or that could every give you true joy & fulfillment.

so don't waste your time on some sweet-talking boy.

(this is a "note to self..")

[God] Must Have Done Something Right :)

I'm pretty sure this is the most I have been at peace in life since... Last summer. This whole school year (my senior year of high school, mind you) was ridiculously jam-packed with a thousand gillion things, and a boat load of stress. But at this moment in time, I feel totally relaxed and pretty much stress-free. Which I'm pretty sure is a miracle from Heaven. Tomorrow, I begin classes at Liberty. Whoo hoo! Haha, I am pretty excited about this. I feel as though i should, perhaps, be overwhelmed and scared to death, but I'm really not. In fact, I am loving life. I love this campus... I love the people here... I love the student leadership, the worship and ministry opportunites... The chances to study overseas... My roommate... I love everything about this place. I truly feel as though I am at home here. I know I could not feel so confident if it weren't for the fact that this is exactly where God wants me to be. I've discovered that this is about the greatest feeling in the entire world.

Oh what it means to be redeemed by a holy God! It is a wonderful feeling. :)

I have so many awesome things I could talk about right now... But I really ought to be getting to bed. So... More tomorrow. ;)



BTW, check out the song "Must Have Done Something Right" by Relient K. It has totally been stuck in my head all day!! Not necessarily a bad thing. ;)

A New Beginning :D

Well, here I am! The wonderful town of Lynchburg, VA. I am soooo looking forward to spending this school year at Liberty. Every time that I have ever been here, it's just felt like home. Even though I am going to be on my own, doing things I have never done before, making what I want of my own life, I am not scared. I have such a great peace about everything. I just know that this is where I am meant to be. God wants me here. So, yeah. Of course I'm going to be happy. I am thrilled to simply be where God wants me to be. It's the greatest place anyone could ever be. Just where God has directed them.

Tomorrow is move-in day. Actually, I have already unloaded most of my stuff and moved it into my room, but tomorrow is when I get to meet my roommate! I am so excited. Everyone that I have already met has been absolutely wonderful.

I am especially excited to visit Thomas Road Baptist Church on Sunday! I can't wait to see what the worship team will be like. (I was part of the praise team at my home church in DuBois, Pennsylvania. So this is a ministry that is very close to my heart.)

This is so exciting. It's a brand new adventure... Another step in the journey... A whole new chapter of my life that I am about to start. And I am not scared in the least bit. I know who my my master is. The author of my life... So I am good to go! I just can't wait to get started!

Please, keep in touch! I would love to hear from all of you. So keep me updated on what God's doing in your lives! Let me know how I can pray for you! Love you all.

:D

Crazy Love - A Love Like His

I wrote this prayer a while back, and I had every intention of posting it.. Alas, I have been out of town, so I had yet to post it. I felt that it was still relevant, and it is definitely the cry of my heart.. So here's my most fervent prayer as of late.

"Jesus, give me a love like yours. I am realizing more and more, every single day, how incapable I am of living a life worthy of You, and how broken I truly am. God, I am so messed up. But I can honestly say that I truly want nothing more than to have a love like yours. God, I know that a little bit of Your immense, glorious love can go a long way. I simply want to experience all of it! The little tiny bit I have experienced has been so amazing! And I just can't imagine what would become of myself, what furthering of the Gospel could happen if I let myself experience more of it? Cuz I mean, really... Usually it's myself that gets in the way of letting You work and move and change. You never quite loving but us humans just choose not to accept all of Your wonderful love and grace and peace and mercy! I know it might be dangerous to say so, but I want to experience all of this to the fullest! And maybe this is something that I will never be able to do until I get to Heaven and see my Savior face-to-face.. But I want to experience as much of it here on earth, right now, as I can! And I elieve the way to go about this is by loving like Jesus. I think that's a good place to start. And lots of prayer. So, here I am Lord! Please answer this fervent prayer. I want so badly to just be able to love like you this summer. Please stretch me, and allow me to show Your grace to every would I meet. Lord, just use me and work in me, more than You ever have before. Be my strength, and fuel me with energy and passion every day. Please use this summer to prepare me for this next year at Liberty, and for a future in missions, and for the rest of my life.
Thank You for your faithfulness to me, even when I am so unfaithful. I praise You for it.
In Your glorious name Father,
Amen."

(So be it...)

first official blog..

hmm.. i've wanted to do this for quite some time. i think having a blog would be a wonderful way to get some thoughts out of my head.. perhaps a way to relate to other people, and to keep in touch. it could be a creative outlet of sorts.. but to be honest, i'm kind of clueless as how to start this. i have a few ideas bouncing around in my head. but a lot of questions too. for example..

-should i write in lowercase text-talk? or should i write in a style worthy of a college student?
-will i regret the name i chose for my blog in another two days? cuz to be honest, i picked it in a timespan of about ten minutes..
-can i change the name of my blog if i end up hating it??
-what if no one reads my blog?
-does it really matter if people do?

and some other questions i hope to soon find the answer for.

anyway, i thought it would be important to take time in my first blog to explain why i chose the name that i did, and maybe what i hope to accomplish through this blog.

first of all, Redemption is the name of a song by Switchfoot. one of my all-time favorite songs by one of my all-time favorite bands. i wanted to pick a name that really exemplified where i'm at in life. and truly, i am living in grace. simple as that. i am a redeemed person living in the grace and mercy of my Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. without Him, i would be absolutely nothing. so i thought the least i could possibly do was to dedicate this blog to Him. that may seem silly, but it's really, truly the very least i could do. i think it's only right that this blog be a microcosm of my life.

anyway, here are the lyrics to one of the most relevant, honest songs ever written.


4 AM, two hours to go
i'm wearing out a lonely glow.
i miss You more than i could know.
here i am, here i am
won't You get me?

i've got my hands at redemption's side,
who's scars are bigger than
these doubts of mine!
i fit all of these monstrosities inside
and i'll come alive.

with my fist down at your feet,
i was running out of mysteries.
insecure and incomplete,
here i am, here i am!
won't You get me?

i've got my hand at redemption's side,
who's scars are bigger than
these doubts of mine!
i'll fit all of these monstrosities inside,
and come alive!

my fears have worn me out.
my fears have worn me out.
yeah, my fears have worn me,
worn me, worn me out!

i've got my hands at redemption's side,
who's scars are bigger than
these doubts of mine!
i'll fit all of these monstrosities inside,
and come alive!


it's so beautiful. because all of these monstrosites, these sins, these fears, these troubles that i have in life, are totally engulfed by the grace and redemption that Christ has given to me.. this gift that He offers to all people. God, the creator of the entire universe, cared enough about little, tiny, insignificant me to send His one and only son, whom He loved so very much, to die on the cross to save me from my wretched sins. and because Jesus conquered death and rose on the third day, i can now choose to accept His free gift of eternal life. i will spend the rest of eternity in heaven with my Lord! i no longer have to worry! i am free to live life wide open and to the fullest! because of the blood of Jesus Christ, i have truly come alive!